Help Westeros
by Mlg Hurd
Summary: YEETY BOI! I have created utter incoherent nonsense that you probably shouldn't read. Sample: Then a fat hobo that most people referred to as Stanis did a two and a half backflips, landing on his skull scraping it open and then falling upon several landmines that blew him into a fine liquid that irrigated the deserts of Dorne.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_**Author's note: I would like to briefly apologise to all people who read legitimate fanfiction, this is utter chaos that is a product of a mildly insane person channeling his thoughts into a story.**_

"I like Jazz" admitted Eddard Stark as he drove a shard of plutonium into Cersei Lanister's abdomen.

Then a fat hobo that most people referred to as Stanis did a two and a half backflips, landing on his skull scraping it open and then falling upon several landmines that blew him into a fine liquid that irrigated the deserts of Dorne.

That made Dorne rise up and become Facist with their new overlord, Puss.

Puss led Dorne to victory atop victory and they soon conquested across the south and arrived at the neck were they used superior tactics to overcome the forts with minimal losses.

After the crushing of the neck Dorne drove up through the north and Puss made a speech.

"Meow." He purred in a silk-like voice

But when the dornish hordes were just outside Winterfell a cold winter set in and they all lacked winter equipment, so The north rallied it's forces and drove back with sheer numbers and they soon conquered Dorne.

SOUND FAMILIAR YET!?

Puss then fled over the sunset sea, no doubt to terrorize some unsuspecting nation.

He then grew in power unbeknownst to the rest of the world.

But back in Westeros The North was in a cold war with Essos, but without the thermonuclear warheads part.

But as The North collapsed, Puss returned, Crushed all resistance for good this time and blitzkrieged warcarts across Essos, quickly securing everything, then The Night King died from dysentery because he threw his lamb sauce at the Oregon trail.

Then Puss did a triple backflip so Vladimir Putin quickscoped El Salvador.

This made reddit mildly infuriated so they created a subreddit called r/mildyinfuriating.

Then the German 3rd Reich secured a tiny island called Argentina.

But Poland refused to put up with such so they got liberated by the Soviet Union which was currently doing flying kicks into the German forces.

Puss then decided to start the space race which Belgium won by accidentally opening a wormhole to the moon in Brussels.

So Luxembourg turned itself into a veritable fortress, which the Philippines sent their thiccest divisions at because Luxembourg had better architecture than Manilla.

So Luxembourg won the winter war by literally waiting for the Phillipine troops to starve because they took 10 years to move a single meter through the spasming soil that had been vomited out of Mussilini's throat.

So france took the Hobbits to Isengard which was soon conquered by Theoden who apparently ended up in Westeros.

Varys looked mildly perplexed at the realization that this was not a typical fanfiction, but that didn't stop Big Chungus from body slamming Shaggy who didn't hear his approach because he had airpods in.

So the Red Army Choir built an auditorium in Bangkok, the Thai asked for an encore so They subjectated Afghanistan for it's flintlock muskets, Simultaneously pulling a Turkish battleship on Syria.

This turned Bangladesh's border even more hideous than it currently was, this pissed India off so much that they gave it to Nepal that threw it into The Wall.

So the Night's watch then sat there bored out of their minds as an oversized hobgoblin thought it would be funny to crash his Bloamp (boat and Blimp) into a fat giant that ate too many berries.

_**Author's note: I apologise for wasting your time.**_

_**Please tell me if you actually enjoyed that, which I presume will be nobody.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_**Author's note: YEET! Someone actually enjoys reading this so I have decided to suspend progress on my other stories to rush production on my next chapter, in fact I'm going to play less roblox to do this.**_

Drogon of slytherin was furious because his human flesh wasn't microwaving, so he got into a fight with John Cena, Drogon expected to win.

But he didn't expect John to slap Yaxley, defeating him instantly. (I will favorite the first Author to get that reference.)

Drogon was incinerated inside of runker 51, the sounds of T posing shrek could be heard from 800,000,000 kilometres away.

This somehow made twilight sparkle eat spike, which she had been saving for later_._

So the German Reeeeeeeeich ate itself and Italy did the first useful contribution in ages, making Birmingham a pile of iron waffles.

This inspired Switzerland to actually not be neutral anymore, so it lit Vienna up like a christmas tree making use of those flammpanzers that Hitler had vomited over Bern because he wasn't feeling so good.

So Then Neville Chamberlain asked everyone to calm down, this war thing is bad.

So Japan teleported behind the U.K and did 10x damage from a sneak attack.

So The German Reeeeeeeeich's corpse arranged itself into a thumbs up position, this shoved Poland into the CCCP which conquered Poland (stop shoving our little Poland around).

So the Yee Dinosaur put on a concert in Vladivostok which even Rasputin came.

"YEE" He crowed in a Russian accent.

The crowd didn't even give a standing ovation… they were giving a jump 8 trillion kilometres into the air ovation.

So Putin (RasPutin MK2) gave his previous version a pat on the back which accidentally reclaimed Alaska, Trump fully supported this, and gave a speech.

"Wouldn't it be better if we had better relations with Russia? Let's give them area 51!" He spoke in his best singing voice.

Then Communist China once again suppressed Hong Kong rebels by dabbing on them with flame and tear gas along with kamikaze 11-year-olds, which each had a megaton bomb slapped atop them.

Xi Jinping Gave a speech (translated to english)

"Let's raze the disloyal city to the ground! We can rebuild it without the rebellious part!"

He cried as he threw a can of tear gas the few thousand kilometres to Hong Kong from Beijing.

So the Hong Kong rebels raised the British Colonial flag above the city, this made Britain brexit so hard that they yeeted off the face of the earth into space where they became the British Colonial Space Empire (google that there's already flags).

Every non-loyal colonist shivered as Britain retook the empire on which the sun never sets.

So MLG Hurd continued writing while simultaneously running roblox in another window (I have great multitasking skills).

So Bulgaria fought Kazakhstan over Uzbekistan in a war that was started by a random submarine in the strait of Gibraltar to fire 999,999,999 Katyusha rockets into Lesbin.

_**Author's note: well that is chapter 2 of this thing done, I would like to briefly apologise to everyone who got r/wooshed by my real world references.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_**Author's note: Terribly sorry I haven't updated this story in a while, but here's another chapter.**_

"OoOoOoOoH" Shouted Teen-ag T

"Oh baby a cripple." Said Drogon as he did a cripple back-flip

"Friggin' nitrogen fraccer." whispered a mildly irritated Aucklander

Then I forgot all the place names, because it's been so long since I've last done something relating to GOT.

So Starlight Glimmer oppressed the Democratic People's republic of… umm… *snaps fingers*... "It's on the tip of my tongue I swear!".

So the Gay frogs started putting chemicals into _Our_ water so we turned gay.

"Uno reverse." Said Communist Romau as it Spanked Chrysalis all the way back to Vesailopolis.

This inspired the Englishman that went to central Berlin to spank the residents.

Then Drone decided it had enough of the frigating northerners bois, so it brexited so hard it smashed through the earth's crust.

So Corona time started twirling above the Imperial Japanese Empire that was currently Pushing India into South America though use of borrowed McNukes™.

Then the Germans launched 69 Messerschmitt Me 420s into Ekurhuleni.

"GAS THE JEWS!" Puss shouted

He advisors brought Puss a glass of juice.

"GODDAMMIT, LAST TIME I SAID GLASS OF JUICE, THIS TIME I ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO GAS THE JEWS!" Puss shouted, obviously frustrated.

Gibraltor took this as an excuse to annex the Stormlands using a single division.

"Nutmeg" whispered a small island in the Indian ocean.

"W̷̨̢̨̧̢̨̨̛̛̠͉͎̪̬̞͎͇̲͕̭̣̳̫͉̗̩͍̦̳̲̩̮̩̻̞̘͔̮̜̣̖̖̟͇̼͇͔̲͉͙̘̼͗̾̾̍͊͛͗̄̇̏̿͊̄̓͛̾̓̍̄̈́́̋̂̽̅̽̆̏̄̈́̽̔̇͗̅̂́̿̊́̑̈́̓̚̚̚͘͘͝ͅḨ̶̨̛͔͕̙̣͎̣͎̞͕̭̖͇̣͋̆̍͂͐͂̒̽̔͐͛̈́̄͑͒̊̍̾̒̾́͊̌͂͘͘͠͠Ą̴̨̥͙̝̥̺̩̞̲̻̘̙͇͖̻̥̥̮̪͎̙̓̏͋͐͒̀͗̿͊̈́͗̋̏́̈́̏̀̍͋̅̂̌͑͗͘͘͜͠͝͝T̴̡̛̞̥̬͙̼̲͉͔̖̪̦̬̺̱͚̣̳̟̰̥͍͍̙͍̳̲͈̻̥̭̺̳̩̭̤̲͔̯̪̥̝̳̦͒̀͌̌̅̈́͂͌̀̊̆͗̒̇̔̀͆̋́̔͑͐̓̂̈͋͑͋̓̀͊̇̇̽͌͝͝͝ͅͅͅ'̶̨̞͓̞͎̖̩̼̤̤̔ͅS̴̙͚͔̠̟̫͙͓͇̭͛̌̒̆͋̀̉͛͗͆̀̆͊̈́̽̇̒͋̑̈́͗͊̎̎͊̄͆͆͘̚̕͠͝ ̵̢̝̩̮̖̗̗͖̹̬͉̮̙́́́̀͗͛́̊̿̑̑̅̾̑̔̓̋͆̐̂̈́͘̚͝͠͝T̴̡̧̢̛̩̗͎̳̞̝̻̩͉͖̥͕͇̣̟͚͕̩̗̙͎͓̹̣̺̳̬̼͊͋̅͒̍̊̈́͒̈́͂̌̀̀͛̄̂̈̍͂́̾́̀̚͘͜͝͠Ḩ̶̨̡̧̡̲͎͇̲͚̯̺̞͕̰̥̖̝̖̥̖̦̪͔͉͉̖̱̖̭̏̔͗̀́̇̄́̈́̀̚͘͜͜͝͝A̷̧̡̨̨̨̡̩͍̳̙̯͍͉͙͙͓͚̤̻͓̝͍̠͆͐̌̅̃͗̚͜͜͜͜T̷̨̨̬̹̠̤̫͉̫̘̙͇͖͚̯͉͉̪̩͇̼̩̥̞̬̝̤͎͖͇̹͔̳͌̄̅͜ͅ ̷̢̧̧͎̥̫̺̝̙͎̤̻͖̔͐̍͑͌̀̿̔̄̀̿̆͊̔̃͗͗̇͋̃̃̒͒̀̈̂̒͑͗́̀̓̕̚͝͠͝͠͠Ḯ̷̢̨̡̧̡̨̢̢̗̪̹̩̪̘̰̼̮͚̰̞̮͙̺͇̼̮̻̻͔͍̻͉̣̬̠̝̥̝̝̭̙͂́͐͋̓̐̓̌͂̏̾̄̈́̀̉̓́̿̿̒͐̑͋̋̔͆͒͑͂͘̚͜͜͜ͅ ̵̧̡̡̨̢̨̢͕̣̻͔̳͓̪̹̻̣̻͉̝͈͇͈̱͔͈̘̙̮͉̟͕̪̘̦͗́͜͜ͅͅH̶̡̢̙͎̻̗͉͕̹͇̟͓̦͖̩̤͔̫̙̞̮̟̩̘̱̯̹͈̰̥̠͓̙͖̯̿̈́̑̿̓̒͊̎̎͒̋̓̌̂̊͐̊̓̑̂̿̑̿̇͆̽̚̕͝͠Ę̴͎̤̮̹̘͖̗̝̹̟̥̱̰̻̹͖̤͇͔̹̤̥̺͕̩̩͓̬̝̮̣̺̺͎͎̪̈̽̾̓̕Ǎ̸̡̻͍̗̞̳̖̘̳͉̪͐͋̾̆̀̆̍͆̄͗̓̾̈́̀̋̐̓̌͑̍̈́̓̈́̈́̃̀̈̽̂͑̃R̴̡̭̤͉͔͙̦͇̯̩̟̺̳͇̔̈̀͛̈́͐̎͊̈͊̽̈̉̌̓̑̂͗̕͘͝ͅ?̸̢̢̡̨̛̘̝̪̻̱̞̞̰̣̖͙̰̭̖̥̥̜͈͎̪̘̬̂̑͆͊̊̎͑͗̂̀͐́̀̐͒̑̓̿̂̌͛͗͐̊͂̕͘͜͜͝ͅͅ" Asked the Dutch, making the lines above and below hard to read.

The Max Barry decided to actually add war to Nationstates, which caused Industrialville to steamroll a few nations with a steam roller the size of a nation.

"You know what else is big?" asked Jesus, "My bible collection."

So Halifax died of Mad Cow disease, which made me allergic to sunlight.

"Eh it dosen't matter, I haven't seen the sun since the 20th of April, 1969 anyway." I said nonchalantly.

"Hippity hoppity, I will abolish private property" Said Genghis Khan on roblox.

"I'm sorry, I would have sung a song parody, but for the life of me, I can't think of anything that would perfectly suit this part in the story." Said the Texan Gravel.

_**Author's note: Well here it is, finally the 3rd chapter of whatever this thing is.**_


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